ON DISCIPLINE

I cannot believe I last posted on this blog two weeks ago. Though it has become even more difficult to articulate the changes that are happening or even the way I am spending each day, some things definitely have become clearer to me.

One is my absolute incapability to discipline myself for long enough to actually develop a skill or finish a self-set project. (and in case any future employer is randomly reading this.. please trust me that this will no longer be the case upon returning) I have been lucky enough within the timeframe of my short life to always just ‘get’ things very quickly. For some reason, things have always been easy for me to understand, to learn and to perform. Whether it was some random project at school, some skill, some language, some art piece. It all just came to me. Sometimes embarrassingly easy.

I could never understand others who had to study, had to work for what they wanted to achieve because it all came easily to me. And over the past years and especially the past few days also, I am realizing that this seeming talent has ended up being a hindrance in the long run. Because I don’t know how to learn. I don’t know how to sit down and try, practice until it eventually comes. Patience with myself and discipline to keep the attention focused I fully have to cultivate from the beginning. Motivation and talent only get you so far. They let you start the engine. But neither motivation nor talent will carry you through the endless hours of learning how to coordinate clutch pressing and gear shifting. Let alone simultaneously gaining oversight of the current street and the one to come. Only practice will adjust your brain. and only discipline will make you stick with the practice.  

I am not really sure what I am trying to say with this post, but I listened to the most inspiring lecture today (thank youu again Loukia). And in the spirit of being human and being naked, I am just putting out my thoughts for someone to read who feels like reading them. and perhaps also to work on sticking to something. or in the words of my Indian flute teacher: "practice to practice". 

and then again: "The danger of craft is that it needs to be in second position to what it is that you’re doing. and it's seductive to put it in first position, often because what you’re doing is meaningless. or worthless or more of the same. so you try to distinguish yourself by being really good at it. I think you need to be willing to be naked when you're doing anything creatively." - Charlie Kaufmann

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