MODERN LOVE

So upon returning from India, the main question, after two months still remains: how to integrate the outpour of love I have experienced and want to share with people around me? And with Valentine’s day coming up, I am using this cheesy opportunity to explore the topic of love in our modern times a little deeper. 

The first observation I made back home, was how afraid people are. Of a multitude of things to be honest: afraid of my contact with religion, afraid of what may lie beyond their own horizon. and afraid of anything that may distract them from the fabricated stability in their life. And what all of these things have in common to me, is the fear to truly feel. To allow the sensation of the unexpected, the uncomfortable (,) loss of control.  

With the shifts of modernity currently tearing on almost every single conviction that used to be in place, it is no wonder people are afraid. How to behave when the ‘progression’ toward a liberal society is creating a lack of reference points? And the common response so far is: retreating ever deeper into our own self. Being an individual, independent, free, unique. Escaping into radical indulgence and always faster moving-on-to-the-next. The next weekend, holding the next one-night-stand, the next opportunity to lose oneself.

It’s contradictory really. Because what I mostly see is underneath all the attempts to numb our minds, is a deep desire for connection. But instead of acting upon it, we are drifting farther apart from our own selves and are stuck in different cycles of how to connect. How to connect to the emotions we are feeling and how to communicate them. There seems to be a trade-off between holding one’s ground and letting someone in. But offering a piece of your self to someone else doesn’t mean you have to give it up fully.

It has me thinking though, perhaps this is also why people don’t take risks in love anymore. The risk of losing oneself for real within the ecstasy of actually connecting with another human being is a real existential threat when the only thing we have to hold on to is our sense of individual self. This feeling, this mixture of wanting and resisting, to me seems like the most modern of loves. And leaves an inevitable sense of loss in our way of loving nowadays. like there will forever remain barriers between our love and the way people used to love. unattainable nuances of unconditional that have faded with the rise of modernity.

Love isn’t tangible. It's unpredictable and people cannot deal with having to incorporate such a factor into the mesh of their reality’s fabric. so it seems best to avoid the attachment to a wild horse and rather keep nourishing the illusory sense of control over oneself.

But I disagree. and I believe we can get to a place of finding the balance between ourselves and others healthily. And it seems obvious, but the root of the tension in modern love lies within the tensions of the individual selves. We need to reach a place of confidence in our selves that will allow us to love without expectation and without wanting. love for the purpose of loving. and to be soft.

always, always choose softness over any other option.

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